Payback
by EspacioSideral
Summary: Kurt has an uncomfortable day at school thanks to a misunderstanding involving Rachel, Puck, and the school nurse. He later gets his revenge on Blaine for being the cause of his embarrassment.


Kurt had finally managed to stop thinking about his previous evening with Blaine and focus on his geography lesson when a loud cough came upon him suddenly and he winced before he could catch himself. He looked around to make sure everyone was too busy sleeping or watching the clock to notice, but unfortunately Rachel was pointedly staring at him from her desk in the next row over. She attempted to mouth something to him but he just shook his head and turned back around to face the front of the room.

Less than a minute had gone by before something struck the back of his head. He glared at Rachel (she knew how long it took him to style his hair in the morning) before gingerly shifting in his seat to grab the note, this time being careful to hold back any sign of discomfort.

The note read: "Kurt, I know that you know that I noticed you were in pain when you coughed. I have extensively researched upper respiratory infections in order to prevent ever acquiring one, and I'm concerned you may have a serious condition. If you continue to ignore your symptoms, the next thing we know you'll be coughing up blood during a performance, a la Satine. I won't deny that Blaine could very successfully play Ewan Macgregor's part, but I would prefer to avoid forcing him to access those painful emotions."

Kurt rolled his eyes on multiple occasions while reading the note, particularly when he saw that she signed it with a gold star sticker (although he could attest that Blaine made a wonderful Christian in their duets). He scribbled back in all capital letters, "I TOLD YOU, I AM FINE" and chucked it over his shoulder in the direction of his friend's desk.

Unfortunately, his chest took that moment to remind him of his lingering cold, and he was barely able to suppress a cringe as he coughed again.

"Excuse me, Mrs. Hagberg?" demanded a female voice behind him. Kurt wanted to bang his head against his desk.

"Yes, Miss Berry?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I believe that Kurt should see the nurse immediately. He's a very important member of our glee club and I saw similar symptoms on a TV show once and – "

"Rachel, watching Moulin Rouge does not count as legitimate medical expertise…" he interrupted.

"Mr. Hummel, is there something wrong? It seems your friend is concerned for your health."

"No, really, I'm fine, thank you…" he trailed off as another cough caught him by surprise and he once again felt a sharp pain in his backside as he groaned quietly in frustration at the timing of his lungs. Now the teacher was looking at him a little more seriously - how was Kurt going to get out of this?

"Hmm, maybe you should get that checked out; you seem to be in serious pain…" she scanned the room, ignoring Rachel's raised hand and repeated offers to bring Kurt to the nurse herself. "Mr. Puckerman, you don't appear to be paying attention to my lesson anyway."__Puck was slumped over in his desk, his head resting on one arm while he doodled with the other. "Mr. Puckerman!" He lazily lifted his head and looked at their teacher. "Please escort Mr. Hummel to the nurse. Now."

Kurt grumbled and quickly packed up his bag before heading to the front of the classroom. Puck sauntered up the aisle to meet him at the door and cheekily waved to the class on their way out.

"So… Hummel," he began after a moment. "Do you actually have some disease, or did you just get a little too freaky with Mr. Bowtie last night?" Kurt eyes widened and his step faltered at Puck's question, and the other boy let out a loud whoop in the silent hallway.

"Oh, wait until I tell Berry! She was so concerned you were gonna give her some sort of voice-killing zombie virus but really you just have a sore ass!"

"Oh God, please don't do that," Kurt pleaded as he caught up to Puck. "Then she'll try for the hundredth time to convince me to__have a sex talk with her Two Gay Dads, which so far I have been able to avoid." Puck laughed again, but agreed not to tell. He was far too amused by the situation, especially when he began speculating what story Kurt could tell the nurse that didn't involve anal sex. Kurt just shook his head and walked beside him silently until they finally reached the nurse. "Not a word to Rachel, or Finn, agreed?"

"Fine, fine," Puck agreed. "Plus**,** it did get me out of class, so thanks for that!" He held out his hand for a fist bump, but Kurt only gave him a judgmental look and then spun around to open the door in front of him. He handed the nurse at the desk the note from his teacher and she began asking him about the severity of his symptoms. After finishing her questions (which Kurt was slightly convinced she was reading from a WebMD site) she exclaimed, "Well, there's been a nasty strain of Bronchitis floating around, so I feel like I should send you home just to be cautious. Do you have any other pain that I should know about before I call your dad?" Kurt had started to blush thinking about exactly why he was in pain, but was saved from any evidence of his embarrassment as the blood rushing to his cheeks immediately changed direction when she mentioned his father.

"You can't call him!" he blurted out, dreading another awkward sex-talk-and-toast session. At her strange look, he continued, "He, um…he is out of town until Friday," grateful for once that Congress was in session this week,__saving him from having to quickly concoct a convincing lie.

"Do you have any other family nearby that I could contact to come get you?" she asked, and Kurt quickly shook his head.

"I can just drive myself," he started… but before he could finish, she informed him that was against school policy. "Well…my uh, my friend, Blaine, has lunch and study at the end of the day, so he could drive me home."

"Hmm, that's not technically allowed," she said, frowning, "but under the circumstances…" She shrugged and had Blaine called to the nurse's office. He rushed in with a concerned look on his face, dragging his school bag and jacket behind him. He gave a questioning look to Kurt, who just shook his head and tried to silently assure him that he was fine. As soon as the paperwork was signed and they made it to the car, Kurt explained the whole story and Blaine nearly had to pull over__he was laughing so hard. By the time they made it to the Hummel house, Blaine had gotten his laughter under control and Kurt was pouting in the passenger seat from being teased all afternoon, first by Puckerman and now his own boyfriend.

Blaine led him up the walkway, offering to carry him if he was too sick to walk. Kurt just playfully shoved him out of the way and opened the door, pulling Blaine inside and up the stairs to his room. Blaine kicked off his shoes and dumped his bag near the closet, before embracing Kurt from behind, careful not to press too much on his sore ass. He started humming "Come What May" into his boyfriend's ear before saying, "I can't believe you were escorted to the nurse for being sore from last night AND talked to Puck about our sex life all in one class period. I would apologize, but I think we both know it was worth it…"

"How would you like to have your ass hurt all day?" Kurt asked sharply, although he could never help but melt when Blaine sang that song to him. Blaine just continued humming and nuzzling his neck, and Kurt turned his head to whisper in his boyfriend's ear, "Maybe you would like to find out…" Kurt gave Blaine just enough time to widen his eyes at the realization of the empty house before pinning him to the bed. "Payback's a bitch," Kurt declared, with a dangerous glint in his eye. Blaine visibly gulped, but his legs tightened around his boyfriend and Kurt knew Blaine would enjoy every second of his retribution… as long as he managed to avoid Puck and Rachel the next day.


End file.
